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By Roshni Mapara
Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Or is it out of sight, out of mind? Welcome to long-distance relationships...
For many students, relationships become harder the further away they live apart. Going from seeing each other on a daily basis to barely seeing each other at all can change a relationship, and not always for the better. “I never used to be clingy. I’m always calling her, she never calls me.” 18 year-old Joe Stevens, Scriptwriting, told me about his relationship with girlfriend, Jackie, 18, who is now studying History and Sociology in Exeter. Having been together for two years before coming to Bournemouth, Joe feels that having to uphold a long distance relationship is increasingly stressful.
“Being apart from each other, not knowing what’s going on is the hardest thing,” Joe described how the trust issue has escalated since moving away from their home town of Gloucester. “We had the issues before but they were getting better, until we moved.” According to Joe, the main cause of stress was when she would read his text messages, and confront him about them. “We argue a lot more now, about stupid little things.”
Even though it could be said that arguments are normal in any relationship, Joe is starting to feel that the time he spends trying to ‘prop-up’ his relationship is beginning to get in the way of his studies. Staying up early into the morning has never been thought of as smart, but Joe can’t help it if he’s staying up trying to sort things out – yet again – with his girlfriend, to the extent where he misses lectures the next day.
Whilst Joe’s situation is not uncommon, other students can sometimes have a different story to tell: “Not much has changed; we have the same relationship as we had before. He was working whilst I was at college so we didn’t get to see each other that much anyway,” described a 19 year old girl, Psychology, who wished to remain anonymous.
“We keep in touch, talking online every day and on the phone, so it’s not that bad.” Having had to deal with being apart before coming to university from London, she has found it a lot easier to cope. However, like everyone, there are times when it was particularly hard to be away from home: “He couldn’t come and see me on my birthday ‘cause it was [a religious festival], whereas if I was at home, we would have been able to see each other.”
She feels that her boyfriend seemed to miss her more than she missed him: “I think he misses me more ‘cause I’m not at home, but here I’m always busy so I don’t miss him as much.”
Jessica, 20, a second year Journalism student has been able to keep her long distance relationship with Tom, 22, from Newport in Wales strong for nearly a year and a half whilst studying in Bournemouth. “We see each other every weekend.”
She told me nothing has changed between them: “It’s like I never left. We go on dates and go for meals, to make the most of the time we have together,” which is, arguably, one of the most important ways to keep a long distance relationship going.
Jessica found that her relationship got stronger because of the way they both handled the situation. She explained how making sure that you both have time and are really important in each other’s lives is the only way to keep a commitment in such a difficult situation: “What you have has to be special and worth holding onto because it is hard. You have to be clear from the start that it’s what you both want.”
She says it hasn’t held her back from enjoying anything at university: “I can still go out and have a good time like a single girl, but if someone takes an interest then I have to say straight away that I have a boyfriend.”
Living in the same town, going to the same school and meeting the same people, it is easy to know what is going on in each other's lives. Living apart on the other hand… a lot can change. Joe and Jackie still regularly make an effort to see each other, as do the Psychology student and her boyfriend. Jessica and Tom have proven that with commitment, a long distance relationship can still work out. But, at the end of the day, it seems that leaving is easier than being left behind.
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